Hot Diggity Dang!

Hello everyone! It has been a few days since I have arrived back from my glorious trip to England. Oh how glorious it was indeed. I wasn’t quite ready to come back, as it was a quick paced and busy trip. And boy, do I LOVE ENGLAND!

I arrived in England last Monday night, and we hit the schedule pretty hard on Tuesday morning when Fran’s daughter Lily ran through the door at 8:30 and says “WHERE’S LINDSAY!?” I had just woken up, but it always makes me feel like a superstar when a child thinks I’m fun to be around. So we started the day with Snakes and Ladders before breakfast, and we didn’t stop for the rest of the day. During the day I was a wizard, a witch, a giant, all three bears in the Goldilocks story, Jack (Jack and the Beanstalk), and an evil stepsister. We also had an imaginary sports competition, which was kind of like Field Day. We won  the three legged race. We didn’t have much competition to be honest, but I won a toy car as my prize! Basically, Lily is the most fun and HILARIOUS.

Also, Bobby is so big now! He is walking all over the place, no, RUNNING. He has so much hair and he is starting to say a few words. He is also a bit of a trouble maker. He will do something he’s not supposed to, then smiles by crinkling up his nose and giggling. It’s so hard to say NO when he is THAT CUTE. He is also totally tractor koo koo, and loves his John Deere magazine with tractors and lawn mowers. Bobby and Lily are both such lovely children, and I am so glad that I’ve been able to see them a couple times. I hope that I will be able to go back to England sooner rather than later!
Ok let’s talk about THE OLYMPICS. Wow. Whoa. Ah! Ooh! Eeee! Whee! We arrived in London well before the start time, so we decided to stake out our places at a restaurant very close to the stadium. It was perfect because they were showing all the other sports on big screens. For example, rhythmic gymnastics. Two words: so. cool. Anyway, as more and more people arrived, the atmosphere was getting more and more energized. There were loads of Americans there, because you can spot us like we’re a different species. What is it about us that makes us STAND OUT? It was great to see so many Americans/English speakers though. I thought wow, I can talk to anyone and everyone in this restaurant and they understand what I’m saying. How. cool.

Anyway, we get to Wembley Stadium and the atmosphere is AMAAAAZING. There were over 80,000 fans at the women’s final soccer match. It was crazy to see so much support for women’s soccer, as that many people is nearly unheard of. As a female American soccer player, this game was very near and dear to my heart. USA beat Japan 2-1, and I think I chewed off all my fingernails in the last ten minutes of the game. I thought if USA wins gold I am actually going to pass out. I didn’t luckily, but I almost did when I saw them get their medals. I was honestly so proud of our team. I was waving a huge American flag like a nutso, but it was the most electrifying experience ever. I think the only thing that could possibly top that experience would be if I met Lady GaGa in person. It was a once in a lifetime experience. OH YEAH.  Brandi Chastain was standing about 7 yards in front of me. For those of you who don’t know, she is the one who ripped off her shirt and slid on the ground at the ’99 World Cup. She was an amazing soccer player, and was probably on every girl’s wall when they were 9. She was definitely on mine, and to see her was UNREAL.

If you ever ever EVER have a once in a lifetime opportunity, TAKE IT.

p.s. I have more to write about my trip, but my eyeballs hurt from looking at the computer. I’ll write more later today, I promise!

Dear Parents of this World

Hey parents!

I just want to know, how do you deal with all the ISH children do?

 

Sincerely, Lindsay

I have been a governess now for a couple weeks, and everyday I think daaaaaaaang, children can do some reDIKULOUS things. I have now extensively worked with children, and I always think they are hilarious. But I am always just a teacher or a counselor, and never really there 24/7. So this governess job has been enlightening. A few things I have learned about myself: 1) Children know immediately by my friendly American face that I am not very strict or scary or intimidating. 2) It fills me with rage when someone rolls their eyes at me. YOUR EYES WILL GET STUCK LIKE THAT FOREVER. 3) Jumping on the trampoline is always a good time, no matter how old you are. Everyone needs one! Even a small one would be awesome.

To expand on number one. Amina and I were playing “chase” around the house which consisted of me hiding behind things and scaring her periodically. Why there were scissors suddenly involved in this equation, I am not so sure. Amina suddenly held the scissors and said, “look!” making a cutting action and getting a little too close to me. I had said that it was not particularly necessary for her to display cutting since I already knew the purpose of scissors. Then she came up to me and cut a straight up hole right in the middle of my t-shirt. The point is, I don’t really mind that I have a hole in my shirt. Whaterrrr it’s just a shirt. But, she knows that she can get away with it! She knows that she will go unpunished by me because I am not her mom, or of any blood relation to her. Whenever Amina’s mom sees her hit me or slap my arm, she asks what do you think you’re doing??!! And Amina responds by saying “that’s how we play.” NO, THAT’S HOW YOU PLAY! Do you see me cutting holes in your clothes or punching you in the face?! Yeah, I DON’T THINK SO BECAUSE THAT’S ABUSE. Children just freaking know I am a friendly teddy bear. I just think Amina you are so cute and fun! Then there goes a hole in my shirt, next step, my hair, then following my hair, my debit card! YOU JUST NEVER KNOW.

As for point number two, I just haaaate it when kids roll their eyes at me. Whenever I see it I know they’re thinking that this person could not be more annoying to me than anyone else in the entire universe right now. When kids roll their eyes, they are annoyed, disgusted, and positively revolted by your presence. They say ugh, PLEASE stop speaking. I always say DON’T ROLL YOUR EYES AND LOOK AT ME! They are going to get stuck like that, and everyone who sees you will think you’re annoyed with them, and then you’ll have no friends. So think about that next time you want to roll your eyes!

And finally, point number three. TRAMPOLINES ARE THE BEST! I remember having one as a kid, and our neighbors had one as well. They are awesome, obviously, because you can jump for hours then sleep forever because you are surprisingly worn out. Kind of like swimming. When you’re a kid you could swim forever, and then you would want to go to CiCi’s pizza and eat for 14 people. I remember my sister jumped with her leg cast on and she accidentally flipped over twice because of the extra weight from her leg. SO HILARIOUS AND SCARY.

But parents, really, how do you do it? Don’t you think hey when I say no, it actually means NO? It’s not opposite day, it’s not another language I am speaking, I am not simply joking to prolong your insolent behavior, so NO you cannot have a fourth bowl of ice cream. SHEESH! Or when kids ask hey mom and dad, let’s listen to this kidz bop version of Creed again and you want to say please please pleaaaase don’t develop bad music taste! That shiz is the WORST! But you want them to be independent. It’s difficult for me to understand, because I don’t remember having lots of set rules. I am pretty sure I knew the line, and I don’t think I ever really pushed it. I just abide by the rules by nature. I know I did annoying crap when I was a child (taste of my own medicine now, I guess!), as in I was stubborn and could get things into my head very easily. I am still a bit like that now. But yeah, I could mention that I wanted holographic flower platforms about 2946238750 different ways until my parents relented. Oh and those holographic flower platforms, YEAH THOSE WERE REAL.

But really, I love my job. Kids are hilarious and teach you a lot of patience, and to realize that alone time is a very, very precious thing. VALUE IT!

Also, I wanted to have a little entry about my new obsessions. To the tune of “Confessions” by Usher, These are my obsessions…

1) SHOGUN. This is a book my dad has mentioned for years, and like his love for the band Swing Out Sister, I’ve avoided it. But now we have the Berg Book Club, and this is our first pick. It’s baller! And over 1,000 pages. Don’t worry, it’s not like Infinite Jest or anything.

2) Dry shampoo. I am a believer!

3) Frank Ocean’s new album Channel Orange. He is an excellent singer, and I have always been a sucker for R&B (Boyz II Men, bless you soulful men!), so this album is off the chaaaaaain. Especially the song Thinkin’ Bout You.

4) Instant coffee….SIKE.

5) Bossypants, by Tina Fey. She is my idol, my favorite comedienne, my hero, my inspiration, and she also makes my wee myself. READ THIS BOOK. I have already read it twice, and it’s always funny.

6) This American Life, a radio show and podcast about different themes each week. Ira Glass man, you da JAM!

7) The Wire. I know this show has been highly acclaimed and forever loved my a kajillion people, but I just love it. I have always been interested in crime, gangs, and drugs, so basically this is my favorite show besides The OC. I know they vary widely from one another, but whatev. Why am I interested in the world of drug lords and meth, you ask? I don’t know, maybe because an intense game of monopoly is too much conflict for me, so I can only read about conflict and not have it in real life.

 

Keep it real!

 

Un-productivity

It has been some time since my last written post, and I apologize for my absence. I could say that I have been busy, and there have been moments and stretches where I have indeed been rather busy. But the truth is, I am not doing…much.

To bring you up to speed: I finished my year at the kindergarten and practically sobbed when I had to say goodbye to Andrey and Vova. One of the teachers told him, “Poor Andrey! What are you going to do without Miss Berg?” The question is, (let’s be real here), what am I going to do without HIM?! He is so cute and I just want to look at his face and pick him up and spin him around. I made incredible strides with that child, and if I have a son I want him to be like Andrey. I am weeping as we speak. HIS FACE!

It is so incredibly rewarding to work with children. In the beginning of the year Andrey would give me a kind of stink eye that would frighten even Regina George. At the end of the year he would voluntarily give me hugs. I mean, THAT’S AWESOME. I love my job, and I feel so grateful for it. I am the absolute youngest worker there, and sometimes I really feel like it. Not that I am a young squirt amongst the elderly, but that I have a LOT to learn. To say the very least. Not only am I NOT Russian, I am 22, no teaching experience, and all I really have is a lot of energy and an endless supply of hugs. That’s what I will say in my next job interview: You know sir/ma’am, I am not really qualified for this position, but what I can say is that I have a lot of energy and an endless supply of hugs. Is that something that you are looking for? Oh, and I have an unrivaled high kick.

Anyway, I am straight up chillin for the month of June. I ended work the 31st, went to Finland and Estonia, and have moved into a new apartment! It’s a beautiful apartment in the center of the city and I feel so lucky to live where I do at the ripe age of 22. Not bad!

This past week since getting back from Estonia has probably been the least productive week of all my human existence. As my father would say, I am stealing oxygen from productive working people. I have allowed myself one week to be lazy, and boy do I feel it. I finished the 5th season of Mad Men and have been watching makeup how-to videos like the champion that I am. I am drinking some iced coffee that I made and wearing my pajamas with a sleep mask on my head. It is currently 7:47 p.m. I feel as productive as a loaf of bread but you know, I am trying to tell myself that I won’t be able to do this many times in my life. I’m not married, I don’t have children, I AM YOUNG AND WILD AND FREE! So I decided to live like Boo Radley for a week. I always overextended myself throughout college, fueled my the magic of ALL DAY COFFEE. Those days are over my friend, and I am enjoying my relaxing time. Basically I read, watch(ed) Mad Men, and sing Proud Mary at the top of my lungs imagining that I am Tina Turner. It’s awesome.

Question of the day: If you could do anything and make a living from it, what would you do?

I would be a professional karaoke singer/makeup artist. I also think I could be a personal motivator. Not a life coach necessarily, but if you need to get pumped about something, I can do that for you.

More chitlins!

Sasha and Sasha

LOOKING FLY

Sonia and Maryana acting a fool

LOOK AT HER FACE

I am clearly a menacing monster, thus the face he is making

Some of my students….

Is it May already?

Since the school year is drawing to a close, I would like to take a brief moment to reflect upon my year up to date. I can’t believe I arrived here on October 1st, and it’s almost the end of May. It would be an understatement that this year has given me many life experiences. Let’s take a look:

1. Moved to Russia
2. did an intensive teaching course
3. Got a great job as a kindergarten teacher
4. got a metal pole shoved up my butt
5. made excellent friends
6. moved into a one room apartment with Lydz
7. had some visa problems, which allowed me to stay in England for an entire MONTH. I had the best experience, and also got to see my family
8. was charged $120 for a cab ride and had 100 pounds of luggage. That’s not an exaggeration
9. started playing soccer with some pretty fly Russians
10. survived winter
11. got a governess job!
12. broke my previous laptop, and bought my very own laptop in CASH MONEY

and some things that are coming up….

1. moving into a new apartment with Kristen!
If i haven’t said this already, Kristen is the best. We met standing in line when our plane was delayed and we missed our connecting flight to Petersburg. We got to stay the night in Warsaw and it was a party! I instantly knew that she was my kind of gal. She needless to say has been very integral to my time here in Petersburg. Also, the apartment is beautiful, located in the center, the shower head is attached to the wall, and the ceiling is intact. Preeeeetty pumped.

2. I am doing some traveling this summer! I will let you know more about this later 🙂

3. MY PARENTS ARE VISITING! I.am.so.excited.

So all in all, I have many, many things to be grateful for. I have met wonderful people, it’s an absolutely stunning city, I have a great job, and I am not nearly as frightened to speak Russian anymore. When I was in Novgorod last year I was like DON’T MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH ME I DON’T SPEAK RUSSIAN! Now I am much more fearless.

Life is wonderful. Go for a walk and enjoy the sunshine!

No you may NOT watch The Thomas Crowne Affair

The past few days have been a whirlwind of events, and let me tell you that life has been FUN.

We have quite a few holidays off in May, which is wonderful because everyone has spring fever after surviving a Russian winter and working with kids nine hours a day. The weather is absolutely beautiful outside, and there is a whole new atmosphere in Petersburg. There are tons of people on the streets, the markets are open, kids are playing in the park, and the trees are just about to bloom. Basically, people seem much happier.

On Saturday, it was the great holiday of Cinco de Mayo and we had a bash at my fellow Texan and dear friend Angela’s apartment. She even made tamales out of masa flown to her from TEXAS. Whoa. Commitment. We had guacamole, salsa, and tortilla chips (as close as you can get to tortilla chips in Russia). A ton of people came and it was all around lovely. I also committed to a very passionate rendition of Across the Universe’s gospel rendition of Let it Be (SHOUT OUT TO KEA!). Not only does it combine my love of gospel plus Aretha Franklin influenced singing, but it is also a song that you can belt at the top of your lungs. That I did. I had my hands in the air, eyes closed, and was just yell-singing. Because I sound like a tranquilized Aretha Franklin who smoked too many cigarettes and can’t reach the top notes, and it was not too positively received. Also I don’t smoke, which is saying something.

I wanted to capitalize on my holidays, so a group of us took a little trip to Vyborg. Vyborg is an old, small city on the border between Russia and Finland. It is not particularly thriving, but it has St. Olaf’s Tower (WHOOO ST.OLAF!) and an old castle which was pretty neat. You could even shoot a crossbow that had absolutely ZERO safety precautions. COOL!

Well, we were able to see the city in under three hours. We decided to go to a pub and make friends with a very cool bartender. We knew we had LOOOOADS of hours until the last train, which was supposed to depart at 10:30 p.m. No problem. This was at about 4pm in the afternoon. We decided to head out at about 945, you know JUST TO BE SAFE. We got to the station and the attendant was rather perturbed by our presence. “What are you doing? You may not enter through here!” We were a little surprised because we just wanted to get on our train. HMMMMM. We were rather befuddled as to why we were so strongly rejected from getting on our train. As it turns out, we missed the last train back to Petersburg by about oh….two hours. Whooooops.

Mind you, the group of us had really just met a couple days before. There were two new guys who a few of us had met literally less than 48 hours prior to our little adventure. Luckily, everyone had an awesome attitude and we found the Vyborg hostel after a few rounds of asking for rooms in places where they needed all of our passports/the Luxe room was the only one left. We finally made it to our hostel, and continued the bonding session of our newly formed adventure crew. We met some people from Moscow, one who was a rather drunk man wearing a tall furry hat. He talked to us for a while, and then finally settled down into watching some tv. The Thomas Crowne Affair was on, which is a wonderful movie. Katie, one of the wonderful ladies on our trip, was rather keen on watching it. They changed the channel and Katie asked if they could possibly keep it on The Thomas Crowne Affair. The furry hat guy responded by taking the ENTIRE TV out of the socket and dragging it out of the room. He really didn’t want to watch The Thomas Crowne Affair apparently.

We were able to leave the next day with lots of hilarious memories about our one accidental night in Vyborg. We looked a little disheveled, a little dirty, and a little greasy but man was it FUN.

ALSO LISTEN UP EVERYONE, BIG NEWS!

I, Lindsay Berg, am a grown up. I mean not in all ways quite yet, but I just made the largest purchase ever in my life. I bought a spanking new laptop after the keyboard broke on my old one. I walked in, paid for it in CASH MONEY, and walked out with a brand new laptop that works! I felt very proud of myself, I did it in Russian, and I paid for it with my own money. Whoo! I am pretty proud of myself.

I am pretty excited about the Petersburg spring. The city is alive and throbbing with joy. AND I will see my parents next month, whooooooa. Life is wonderful! I hope yours is too. Do a cart wheel and have a dance party, and throw glitter on someone!

 

 

Conquering in Russia

These are three reasons why I feel I am CONQUERING in Russia:

I have always wanted to go into a place and say “Bert, give me the usual!” A place where you go SO frequently that they know you, you’re friends, and they know what you want, how you like it, and then maybe throw a little something special in because you’re a regular. Well listen up everybody, I am finally fulfilling my hopes! Today I walked into LUSH cosmetics store (I believe in this institution fully and abide by its gospel) and one of the salespeople Masha, told her other worker to throw something in my bag because I was a “special client.” This should give you some indication of HOW MUCH time and money I have spent there, as they know me by name. I was like OH YEAH SPECIAL CLIENT WALKING THROUGH! LUSH isn’t super popular in the States ( I don’t know WHYYYY??!!!) and I think it’s a bit cheaper in Russia as well. Regardless, you should treat yourself to something from there. You will feel better.

Another reason as to why I am conquering in Russia is because I made homemade bread without any form of measurement. I used a mug and my own eyeballs as measuring tools and the bread actually turned out pretty well. It wasn’t AS awesome as it could have been, but I was pretty proud and proceeded to eat half a loaf by my lonesome. So good. One thing I have learned in Russia is that you can really make do without a lot of things. I have gotten used to not having a dishwasher, a proper ceiling, cupboards, a shower head that is attached to the wall, consistent hot water, and curtains. I broke the curtains, and the cupboard in the kitchen fell when I was getting out some spices. Neither have yet been fixed….not likely to be fixed either.

The last reason I am conquering Russia is because I GOT MY HAIRCUT. There is something about getting your haircut even in your own native language where you can’t quite communicate what you want, and you are at the mercy of your stylist. Even after you explain what you want, you sometimes leave and mess with your bangs and look at yourself constantly thinking, “WHY DID THEY CUT IT LIKE THAT??!!!!” And then you proceed to pull on your hair to help promote growth. I have pretty straight, fine, thin hair so you really can’t mess it up to badly. When I was in college (many moons ago) my mom would cut it when I came home on breaks. I have had not one but TWO perms, blue hair, a weird bleached spot from the blue hair, long hair, short hair, a bald spot from when my sister got putty stuck in it, purple hair when my sister dyed it “Crushed Garnet,” and many more weird hair moments in my life. So I am chill about my hair. Before Russia I went to a salon in Austin and said “Do whatever you wish!” Best decision I ever made. It’s just hair!

But, getting your hair cut in another language where the country is poisoned by mullets is a little intimidating. I needed a hair cut though, and I thought that I could wait until….who knows to get a hair cut. Not a wise idea. So, I walked into the Toni&Guy salon with the moral support of my friend Angela and communicated what I wanted without the result ending in a LADY MULLET. I felt very proud, look at what I can do!!!!!!!! It’s a good feeling conquering a fear. I should do it more often.

I hope everyone had a beautiful, lovely, fabulous weekend. Happy Russian Easter everyone! Soak up the sunshine and have a dance party.

When in doubt, play the balloon game

Kids love balloons. Adults love balloons. Balloons, I feel are overlooked because like flowers…they don’t last very long after their initial beauty and joy.

If you are a babysitter, a camp counselor, or anyone who needs to kill an hour with kids all you need is a balloon.

I am playing with kids who don’t really speak English, but they do know the language of the Balloon Game. Clare (bestie) and I would play the balloon game in the Russian House my junior year of college. Yeah I was 20 at that time! We would be so hysterical from staying up late/we are always giggly when we are together/college is a weird time, that we would channel our energy into the Balloon Game.

Basically the rules are that it cannot UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES touch the ground. Clare and I would be half vomiting because we were laughing so hard. I would jump over the couch and run into the walls/tv/other people in order to prevent the balloon from touching the ground. You don’t keep track of points. It’s hilarious. Anyone can play. You burn off tons of energy and kids want to sit down after half an hour. Unless they are those crazy cracked out kids who can keep going for days. And those are so very, very real.

I played this game with Amina, the little girl I am the governess for this summer. She is A-DO-RA-BLE. We started by coloring some sheets in order to learn the months in English, but boy she was NOT interested. She was like uhhh….it’s Friday let’s freaking PLAY!

So for 45 minutes, I would shout at her to hit the balloon with her foot! Her head! Her shoulder! Her toes! And she would get so into it when trying to kick the balloon she hit her own eye with her hands in the heat of enthusiasm. It was intense. She also put a flower bead INSIDE the balloon so it would make a whizzing sound every time she hit it. Wow, that added a whole new element to the game. There was just too much fun to be had.

Basically kids are the BEST and teach you how to have fun.

I hope everyone appreciates how beautiful and weird kids are.

Have a beautiful Saturday everyone!

when ESL is a benefit…

Sometimes I read to the kids before nap time. Let me tell you, know matter what language you speak kids LOVE being read to. I know my parents read to me and my sister Amanda ALL. THE. TIME. when we were little and I am so glad. It made us creative thinkers and hey! we still looooove to read. Heck I became and English major.

Anyway, I read Julia Donaldson books all the time in the kindergarten, and today I read Room on the Broom. What a great story about a witch and her friends she acquires on the way, until she meets….a DRAGON. At the end of the story, the animals save her from the mouth of the beast and say “BUZZ OFF THAT’S MY WITCH!”

Well you can only imagine where this story goes. The Russian-English teacher (who is AWE-SOME) was asked by the kids to explain what that meant in Russian. She wanted to repeat the English phrase again, so she said with conviction “BUZZ OFF THAT’S MY BITCH!”

oops.

I think we were both crying we were laughing so hard. Tears were just pouring down my face because she just said it with so much authority.  I stopped reading the story for about three solid minutes and the kids were suuuuper confused. What’s funny? They were half heartedly giggling out of confusion and concern. Like uhhh….what’s up with Miss Berg right now?

I tell you, it’s the little things that happen throughout the day. Kids are hilarious. For example, today Sasha saw a stray cat outside and yelled in perfect English “HELLO CAT!” Just cheerily waving like it was going to respond. I was proud.

I am so lucky to have this job.