Posted by lindsayclareberg | Filed under Uncategorized
This is the ceiling in the bathroom….who made this??!!!
31 Monday Oct 2011
31 Monday Oct 2011
31 Monday Oct 2011
31 Monday Oct 2011
31 Monday Oct 2011
31 Monday Oct 2011
Posted Uncategorized
inSo I moved into my new apartment. Whooooo! I feel like a grown up, although I don’t exactly know what’s going on…most of the time. I have a crazy key that looks like it could open the dungeons of a medieval torture chamber, and it’s quite challenging to get the hang of it. It’s one big living room, so Lydia and I will be besties by the end of this experience. I sleep on a fold out sofa-bed, which is surprisingly comfortable. There’s also a weird saggy couch in the kitchen that looks like someone very heavy sat in the middle of for about 3 years. The ceiling in the bathroom was put together by a blind baby, but it’s my first apartment, and it’s in Russia! That’s pretty cool.
I thought the best way to move my stuff was to go by taxi. My host family called a taxi and we waited and waited, but not a one red chevy showed. So, Misha flagged down a small SUV, and the guy drove me to my apartment. He gave me his number and said if I wanted to see any of St. Petersburg to give him a call. I was like oh, that’s nice of you Sergey. Turns out he wasn’t even a taxi driver! Just a random dude who wanted to earn 300 rubles. He was nice and not creepy, but I thought that if that occurred in America, there would be some lawsuit. Anyway, I made it without being murdered so it’s all good.
Also, there is not a lick of internet in my apartment. It’s super annoying! I have to walk twenty minutes to get to a coffee shop and get internet. Blurgh. Ah well, I can do it. It’s just inconvenient to the most extreme degree.
I just got off the phone with my previous neighbor, Sasha, who loves “The House of the Rising Sun” and whiskey. He’s hilarious, and wants to bring me to his school to meet his students. He just said to me, “If you have warm toes, you can come meet me this evening and discuss architecture and history.” Well, I have to say that I didn’t really understand everything else he said because I burst into laughter. Luckily, I will have warm toes this evening and I can walk over there.
Oh yeah….HAPPY HALLOWEEN! I know Russia isn’t super into Halloween, but there were some people dressed up as The Joker or a zombie. We met some really hilarious young Russian guys who were dressed up for Halloween who were infatuated with swearing in English. Who knew it would be so fun to swear? But I guess there is some appeal when swearing doesn’t have as much meaning because it’s not in your native language. But I was thinking yo, take it easy with the f bombs! But they were a bunch of fun and we danced it out at a club. One guy said “my name is Serzh, middle name TECTONIC.”
My goal for today is to get a new set of keys made…wish me luck.
Keep it real, leave me comments!
24 Monday Oct 2011
Posted Uncategorized
inThe other day my lesson was on teaching suggestions, followed by appropriate negative or positive responses. We did the usual lesson of phrases such as “Would you like to meet me for coffee?” or “How about going to a movie?” followed with normal responses such as “Ok, sure I would love to.” or “I am sorry but thank you for the offer.”
My whole lesson was pretty normal sauce, nothing out of the ordinary. Suggestions for coffee, tea, dinner, movies, etc. You know, the usual everyday stuff. BUT.
During the practice time, students are supposed to use what they have learned and see if they understood everything correctly. Here is what one of the conversations my students had:
Masha, would you like to help this squirrel?
Yes, but we don’t have any nuts.
And THAT is creativity at its finest. I almost died with laughter. I just lost it completely in class.
I hope you enjoyed that little gem.
Keep it real.
23 Sunday Oct 2011
Posted Uncategorized
inAs most of you know, there’s a little Russian tradition called the banya. In a nutshell the banya is a freaking hot Russian sauna in which one sits naked for a short period of time, followed by an icy shower, follwed by tea or snacks, and the cycle is repeated. Also, one can be whipped by birch (I believe) branches during your time in the sauna, which is to help cleanse toxins from your body. Cool, huh?
OBVIOUSLY, I had to go.
It was women’s day at this fancy pantsy banya, and I went with my British neighbor Emily who is a fierce advocate of the banya. She preaches its gospel, and firmly stands by her beliefs. We decided to go for an outing, and let me tell you it was an experience. First of all, everyone is straight up naked. I am like WHATEVER nudity, but when you see a range of naked Russian women in the nude the sight can be a little jarring. I was like whoaaaaa I can see everyone’s business. Anyway, you get undressed then you sit in a REALLY EFFING HOT sauna where you sweat your bodyweight and your nostrils burn from the steam of your own breath. It’s nice that they put eucalyptus and some other fresh smelling items (perhaps mint?) because otherwise I am sure it would smell like burning flesh. Anyway, right before your eyeballs start to melt, you jump into icy cold water to cool your body off. I screamed the first time I did it. You know it will be cold because you were just in a teapot but still, IT’S COLD. Peopled giggled at me, “oh obviously a first timer.” After that you can get some tea or whatever and chill for a bit.
Another, hilarious part of my banya experience was getting whipped with birch branches. Emily was like, we’re going to give you the full banya experience. You straight up whip yourself (or someone else can) with these branches, leaves are flying everywhere and there’s eventually a small forest in the sauna. The branches have plenty of leaves, so it’s not like someone’s cracking you with a spiky dry branch, which I feared. They are kind of soft, and you soak them ahead of time. Emily whipped me with some branches and I giggled the whole time. I tried not to, but it was too much for me to handle and not laugh. No one else laughs in the banya, but I just couldn’t believe that I was experiencing what I was experiencing. How did I get here? That’s what I wanted to know.
Also, the people in the banya were like OOOOH THEY’RE FOREIGNERS. Ok, I know that I am not Russian everyday of my life. How I speak, how I look, how I look like a one legged horse on rollerblades when I wear high heels, how I smile in public, YEAH I GET IT. They would be like SHHHH LISTEN TO THEM SPEAK, and I was thinking oooh yeah betcha didn’t know I understand Russian did you? It was funny, because we were all in our birthday suits. I was like maybe I should chat with them? But then I remembered that we were naked, and for some reason it felt weird to strike up a conversation.
Ok I am pooped after a night of dancing. I danced with this Russian dude who was about 6 inches shorter than me, and twirled me around every 5 seconds. It was awesome. He had really over enthusiastic hand motions which I in turn would repeat back to him. We were good dance partners, and I am sure that if anyone watched us would wee themselves laughing because of our height difference, excessive twirling, and sudden bursts of hand gestures. We had a lot going on, and we took up most of the dance floor. I also think it will take a week for my dress to dry from how much I sweated. It’s awesome being sweaty…NOT.
I love Russia.
Keep it real, leave me comments!
16 Sunday Oct 2011
Posted Uncategorized
inLet me just start out by saying that congealed meat should be considered a form of punishment. I am an advocate for Russian cuisine, and my last meal would definitely be Mama Tanya’s mushroom soup and sirniki. But all of the best things in life have their faults. And Russian cuisine’s devastating flaw is holodets. It’s a mixture of various meats chilled to a very cold temperature, solidified in a gelatinous suspension. Yeah that’s right. Not only was I eating cold chunky meat jelly BUT to top it off I was encouraged to put gorchitsa on it which is a horseradish-mustart blend. Obviously I want to put THAT on my meat jelly! Maybe add some mayonaise while you’re at it! BLURGH. There were too many unpleasant things happening, and I couldn’t tell you which aspect was the worst. What started out as cold chunky meat jelly became cold chunky spicy mustardy meat jelly. I was really putting in effort to hide my true and deep disgust. I would hold it in my mouth and try to swallow it whole so it didn’t have to touch any of my tastebuds. It gives me shudders even thinking about it. Never again. Why so many meats? Why cold? Why in jelly? I wouldn’t give this to prison inmates.
On a different note, Russia is smoker’s paradise. You can smoke ANYWHERE, and buy cigarettes for a dime. Actually, 10 cents. That’s nuts yo! Anyway, if you go to any restaurant or bar, you will smell like smoke within moments. It was really bizarre seeing people smoke indoors, since you can’t really find anywhere in America that still allows it. BUT I have gotten used to it more, which means I am pretty much a smoker now simply by living. All of my clothes give indication that I’m a pack a day smoker. One of my teachers for the training course smokes 30-40 cigarettes a day. A DAY!!!!! Isn’t that a lot of time out of your day devoted to smoking?! I’ve never thought that a human could live and ingest that much tobacco. Kookoobananas.
Tonight I went to a free “concert” which turned out to be one guy talking about his life interjected with some various movie clips. He spoke really quickly and I didn’t here a diddly doodle of what he said. I could feel my eyes fluttering because it was dark and I didn’t understand what was going on even if I tried to pay attention. So I people watched instead. A woman was wearing a see through top. Like, straight up mesh. Why? It wasn’t a club, or a bar, and she wasn’t 19 and trying to rebel against her mom and dad. She was a grown up woman wearing mesh to a respectable long-winded monologue. Please. Also at the end of the free long-winded monologue you received a free package of chocolates. Why? We don’t know. It’s free AND you get a gift? What?! Also an elderly woman was PISSED because she thought the gift sucked. There was something mentioned about dark chocolate not being good but I really didn’t catch everything I just smiled and nodded a lot to express fervent agreement. Russians are the best.
I know this is a super random blog post, but so many weird things have happened I just want to write about them all.
So I have started teaching classes during training, and there have been some humorous moments. During one of my observations, a teacher used the phrase “I am hardly ever learning German” to explain the use of the word “hardly.” Now tell me if you would ever use this phrase? I was like yo that don’t make no sense. I am hardly ever learning the accordion! I am hardly ever learning to weave! I am hardly ever braiding my hair! So funny to really think about the English language.
Secondly, I had the privilege of teaching a man named Maksim. Maksim seems to be constantly surprised about something, and has a love for varying shades of denim. He also likes to rollerblade on the weekends. Maksim is the best because he always looks like he doesn’t know if I am either teaching English or singing in Gaelic. He speaks fairly well, but gives me crazy eyes if I ask him a question. I am like yo Maksim, I didn’t just moon you or rip off my own finger…I simply asked you to read the directions. But no matter what, he gives me the quintessential deer-in-the-headlights look. If I had to describe that phrase to someone, I would give a picture of Maksim no doubt. I hope he had a good time rollerblading this weekend.
Ok I am finally going to shower away the gelatinous meat. Also, if you could give me suggestions about slang to teach Russians, it would be appreciated.
Keep it real!
09 Sunday Oct 2011
Posted Uncategorized
inSo yesterday was my 22nd birthday, my second birthday in Russia. The last time I was here on my birthday, we were LOST. REALLY REALLY LOST. So, I decided that this year we’re doing things right. And right we did. I was with my two friends from my program Kristen and James, who are AWESOME HUMANS, and we just walked around the city for a while. Kristen and I were stuck in Poland together, so we have adequately bonded. She’s super fun, smart, and also a Midwesterner. James goes to Cambridge and properly English, and incredibly nice. So all in all, solid crew. We were strolling along, and there was a man in a park with a baby bear. SO CUTE. I did think about how that is probably not a good thing for the animal, but the bear seemed really happy and drank a ton of juice. So, for 200 rubles I held a baby bear and fed it some juice. He kind of sat on my lap, but he was really big so I am glad he didn’t, nor did I want his giant claws anywhere near my face. He also smelled like an old diaper. Kristen took a million pictures of me looking like a new mom with my bear. I felt sad though that this baby bear was probably taken away from his mom. The caretaker was super nice though, so I felt better about things.
Also, last year I had mentioned a girl holding a baby owl on the bus. Weird times. Yesterday I saw a man holding a FALCON. Like a huge, poke-your-eyes-out-with-my-beak kind of falcon. WHAT’S UP WITH RUSSIA AND BIRDS?
Anyway, a random group of people went out to dinner at a Georgian place, which was tasty pants. It turned out to be a little more expensive than we had intended…woops! It was good, and also my birthday, so WHATEV! Then we hit up the Petersburg night life, which fostered some good times and funny moments. We played the game Celebrity (nod to Felland daisiez!) which made me almost pee my pants laughing because it was a Russian-English hybrid of intense charades. Whenever I am sad, I will always think of Kristen doing the Putin Facelift. So. FUNNY. And a Russian trying to act out Kevin Costner? Please. My life is complete.
It also is perpetually raining here. ALWAYS RAINING. Will my hair ever be dry again? I think carrying an umbrella is a nuisance! It’s cumbersome and always catches the wind so it’s difficult to carry. I also got hit in the head with another lady’s umbrella. SAY WHAT? Umbrellas=frustrating.
Tomorrow begins another week of training. I have to teach a lesson on Monday and Tuesday, ayiyi! I am supes pumped although I am already wearing thin from the long days. Whatever just have to drink more instant poison coffee. Alright I am sleepy as we speak so I am going to depart.
Keep it real!
04 Tuesday Oct 2011
Posted Uncategorized
inSo it’s been a few days since my arrival, and I think I am getting my sea legs under me. I will say that it has already been entertaining, and there are many things I have to note in my first few days.
FOR INSTANCE. There is a thing about Russian mothers that makes you do what you are told. You just do. You don’t question or refuse, just DO. It may be the language barrier, but I don’t think that is it. It could be that they just decide for you, and really you don’t have any other option. My example of such Russian domination is when I was supposed to meet Lydia on Sunday at 4pm. We wanted to meet up, do a little perambulating around the city, you know, catch up. Right by my apartment. Right by it. I gave her the address (which was the WRONG ONE THANKS BENEDICT) and she would be there. Simple, whatever. Anyway, my host mom kept asking me WHERE WHERE WHERE WHEEEERE is she meeting you? Well, I gave her the address. Yeah but where? Where is she MEETING YOU? Where? The apartment? The church? The courtyard? The concert hall? AHHHH what?!!! SO she made me go to a concert instead and told me to email Lydia to meet us afterward, at 6pm (concert lasted until 630). She dictated the message to me while I wrote it down. HAHA! So funny. She also wore a blonde wig to the concert which was AWESOME.
So this concert was superbly and perfectly Russian. Over the top, glittery, dramatic, unnecessary and bizarre events that don’t really fit into the performance, glittery, and significantly longer than they told you it would be. Did I mention glitter? Also, lots of people frantically running in late, trying to get the better seats that are open in the front. True Russian event. My first indication that this was a weird Russian concert performance were the young girls in psychedelic poodle skirt outfits. They swayed their skirts back and forth doing a combination of sit and be fit moves with show choir hand motions. REALLY weird. And there were about 37 of them. Why so many? Why in trippy 50’s themed clothing? All of the Russian singers performed power love ballads with a lot of exaggeration with their eyebrows and hands. So terrifically cheesy. I giggled a bit, but really it was very serious. I was like yo, this dude with a lady mullet wearing leather knee pads is crooning to the audience in a fog machine induced cloud with a ballet performance behind him. HOW IS THAT NOT FUNNY?
Anyway, my host family is the best. Seriously, everyone should experience Russian hospitality. Except today she literally put 7 plates of food in front of me. One was a plate filled with mashed potatoes. Another was tomatoes with a dollop of sour cream (why not?!). Another with grapefruit, another with raw bacon (yeah you read that right), another with peppers, and another with cucumbers. Why on 7 different plates? You tell me.
Also, my host brother is the JAM. He is very shy and quiet, which is AWESOME because I’m not! I think he’s warmed up to me, as I have done an embarrassing amount of miming, including the Putin face lift. We talked about everything from homelessness, the pyramid method of business (did NOT grasp that one), slang, why Russians don’t drink water, insurance, interests, and finally why it seems to most that Putin has undergone plastic surgery of some kind. So I said, “Do you think Putin received a feis-leeeeft?” Trying to make it sound Russian, then I in turn, pulled my face really tight with my hands to imply a face lift. It was a weird moment we shared, but I think it made us closer. Good way to do it huh? What would really possess me to do that? I don’t know. I always think miming will be an effective way to communicate, but clearly not in my case. Word to the wise, don’t imitate a face lift, you look like a nutso. And that’s ME saying that.
Anyhoo training is cool, the peeps in my class ROCK, and you can get a dixie cup size espresso with chunky sugar at the bottom for less than one dollar. What in this life, could possibly be better?
It is late my dearz, so I will update soon! Keep it real.